well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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