At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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