my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
