Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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