I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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