Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
