PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
