Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
