ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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