is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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