you traded sex for a burrito?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
