Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
