If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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