I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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