i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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