I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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