There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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