I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
