Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
