I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
