just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
