I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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