That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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