if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
