Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
