i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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