Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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