Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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