he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
