She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
