She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
