i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Randomize
