Your dad touched me again.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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