after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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