Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
