things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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