Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
