hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
