whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
