Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
