Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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