batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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