How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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