Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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