I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize