the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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