She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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