Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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