Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
