Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
