Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
