Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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