he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you had me at cake vodka
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
