i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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