Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
