Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
