im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
