my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
